For A

I never met A’s wife and quite frankly, I wasn’t even close to A. He was my trainer in an ESL teaching job and that’s that. I was but an onlooker on Facebook during a difficult and defining time in their lives. I know not of their real story but I felt the need to write about them somehow.


I only saw her, A’s wife, in pictures; and in all of them, she was lovely. She was radiant, composed, and joyous each time. She managed to smile though her body only felt pain. She faced cancer as a wife, as a mother, as a human being. I look at her smiling and wonder what she thought…about living and leaving the people she loved behind. I wonder if she ever got mad with the world, or God, or herself for being sick. I wonder if all along she knew she wasn’t gonna make it, try as she might and did.

It’s been a year since her passing and A just posted another photo of her—she in a little black dress, sitting regally with her legs crossed, and a beaming smile on her red lips. I assume the photo was among the last ones A got to take of her. It was her in her most beautiful, in her most vulnerable, in her most inspiring.

I just can’t stop thinking about A too, now that his wife is gone. How can he forget and let go of such a lovely soul? Are there ways, even? Can anyone else replace her in his heart and head and soul? Maybe not… definitely, not… It’s too hard from where he is, I guess. I can’t even begin to comprehend the first steps in order to get past this kind of loss…

Truly, what becomes of a heart when it is left due to death? Doesn’t it die with the other? How will hope and love ever make it back? Is there any space left for the next person? Will A ever love again?

I don’t get life and love sometimes. I don’t get being human often, actually. It is hard to fathom the why’s and how’s and when’s. I can only pray A gets to move on from losing his wife someday. I also pray that he gets to genuinely, completely, fully smile because of the little things in life. God knows how long it will take but I pray he recovers. I pray someone makes it close to his heart again. It won’t be easy but I hope it happens. All in due time.


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